Today I registered my 3rd child, my youngest, my baby boy (who will always be) for Kindergarten in the fall.  I didn’t shed a tear (held them in), but he cried when we left because he wanted to stay there.  I know this is great because starting school can be scary for many little ones.  So I’m happy that he is excited and ready.  When he started Preschool, that was a different story.  Though his readiness doesn’t affect mine.  On the way home, I couldn’t help but let a few tears trickle down my cheek.

For the first day of school, I envision his bravery and excitement.  He will be anxious to ride the big school bus that he has been itching to get on since he could walk.  He will be armed with a backpack, lunch box, folder, new shoes and a glimmer of optimism in his eye.  Following behind is big sister who will help show him the ropes.  However, I don’t think I will be as brave and excited.  I’m not sure I will be able to fight back the tears.  With no children at my side to stay brave faced for, my heart will show through.

When my oldest went to school there was more fear and anxiety.  Will she get to school okay?  Will she have friends?  Will she find her classroom?  Will she be kind to others and mind her manners?  Will she feel sad or happy?  I followed the bus with other moms and watched from afar to be sure she got to school okay.  At the end of the day, I parked outside the school and watched her board the bus to make sure she got on the right one and then raced home to meet the bus on time.  I have video somewhere to prove to her one day how crazy I was.  I was that mom and proud of it!  Now that my third is going, there isn’t fear or anxiety. I know he will be okay and is ready.  I love our school and know he will be safe and in good hands.  This time, the tears will be of sadness.  Feeling like a chapter has fully closed for me.  There will be no little ones to go home to and take care of until school lets out.  I will be the mother of 3 school aged children.  I will have to grow up right along side my children.  I will have to let them go and greet them with a smile and a hug when they return each day.  I will look forward to snow days, vacation days and summer break.

On the bright side, I look forward to the changes this will bring to our family.  Being able to work during the week and try to turn off work in the evenings to be present.  My weekends will only be filled with actual shooting and then being present with my family and not fitting in work.  So there is a bright side to this change.  I just have to get through those first days.  Although, fall is such a busy time, I may not be so sad until January.

Anyone sending off their little ones for the first or last time this fall?